I'm not altogether happy about it being almost-November. I'm trying hard to live in the moment and appreciate each and every one because tomorrow I am going back to work (almost full-time). I've been off on maternity leave with Miles for a year now. It has been amazing, but it's now time to get back to the 'real world.' Before I left work, I really was worried about missing it. I even considered taking only six months off. I thought I would have a hard time being at home all day. Boy was I ever wrong! I love being at home! and not because its an easy job. There is a lot to do to keep a family running while nurturing and entertaining a little one. There have been days when I have really struggled. It took me a while to get in to a groove, to develop a schedule, and to really 'get 'er done' without any outside motivation. Now that I feel we're in a rhythm, everything is going to change again. So it's time for a new rhythm.
"To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest." -Pema Chodron
Well I feel as though I am being thrown out of my nest. I just hope I can make the best of it.
My old working self was stressed out. I was always rushing, but never accomplishing enough. I always said yes even when I had no extra time or energy. I would bring home my work worries and lose sleep over them.
As a child behaviour therapist, I work with families and young children with autism and developmental disorders. It can be very stressful. I feel a great amount of pressure to do the absolute best for my clients. I know how I would feel if It was my child. So if a family is in crisis, or a child is not learning as much as they could, or I am just not sure of what step to take next, it weighs on me. That is when my work-life starts to creep in to my family life.
I think that being home for a full year was just what I needed. I'd like to think I've been making some progress in developing some buddha-nature. I am nowhere near attaining inward calm. I still lose focus ...often. But I do feel as though I have gained some perspective. This past year has been a sort of re-centering for me. This is not to say that my family was not important before, but my priorities did become out-of-order from time to time.
I hope that I am able to bring work back in to my life while still maintaining my family-centric lifestyle. It's all about balance, isn't it?
... those first few weeks of preparation, anticipation, excitement and then the very early baby days that I can only remember through a dreamlike haze.
Then there were the milestones of rolling over, crawling, first foods, teeth, and now almost-walking.
We've played in the snow, the sand, and the leaves.
We've spent sooo many hours just rocking.
We have all settled in to our new family dynamic. Cole was four when Oliver came in to our lives. It is a new and wonderful thing to see my husband being a daddy to this very little one.
Cole has taken to his role of big brother. Sometimes it is a challenge and sometimes it is magical just watching them together.
I just needed to take this moment ...
...because my year at home is up ...and because this little one will turn 1 in less than a month.
Isn't it amazing how fast they grow and how very much they change in such a short time?
And don't we all change? Who ever would have thought I'd end up as this knitting, sewing, thrifting, canning, chicken keeping blogger?
I intend to continue writing in this space, but I am not sure how it will work in to our new schedule. It may take some time to iron these things out. So bare with me a while.